Remember Wha?

Remember the Black Sitcom? All through my growing up years there...

Thu, 03 Feb 2011 12:30:00 -0500

Remember the Black Sitcom? All through my growing up years there was plenty of African American situational comedy to keep me fully saturated in the black experience. With the Fresh Prince reunion looming, I have to ask myself what happened to the likes of the Cosby Show, Family Matters or even the underrated A Different World (Dwayne Wayne’s glasses basically made my childhood)? Ever since Fresh Prince went off the air there has not been a Black sitcom that has had the prominence or mainstream influence of any of the shows I mentioned (and I didn’t even get to the 1970’s).

Ok, so Damon Wayan had My Wife and Kids and Everybody Hates Chris is thoroughly excellent, but even these don’t come close in to the popularity of shows in the golden era of black sitcoms (arguably the 80’s and 90’s, roughly coinciding with the New Jack Swing revolution). I guess the Fresh Prince Reunion will have to hold me off for now, because Meet The Browns sure isn’t doing it.

My question here isn’t, “do you remember The...

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 12:33:42 -0400

My question here isn’t, “do you remember The Cranberries?”. It’s, “how the hell do you not remember The Cranberries and why haven’t they had a world-tour reunion lately?”. Honestly, is there anything not to like about this band? Catchy, radio-ready rock that can be enjoyed both ironically and in earnest, often simultaneously, like a modern day Carly Simon. Plus, a lead singer who has all the charisma and good looks of Sinead O’Connor without any of the self-righteous hang ups.

Seriously, I am calling right now for a Cranberries reunion tour. Have you heard the radio lately? It’s gotten to the point where I’m looking forward to hearing Creed! If you need any other reason to call for the return of The Cranberries, here, it was referenced in The Office (which I personally think does a great job of referencing pop music).

Remember The Labyrinth? Jim Henson muppets, George Lucas...

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:30:00 -0400

Remember The Labyrinth? Jim Henson muppets, George Lucas production and David Bowie songs? What could go wrong? Only everything. There is nothing about this movie that is safe for children, especially Bowie’s crystal orb obsession.

From what I remember there’s an owl kidnapping a baby in the middle of the night, there’s Jennifer Connelly (pre-hotness) falling into a pit of hands and there’s a giant drill that drills directly into the nightmares of children…or something like that. All I know is I was scared off owls and David Bowie for years.

Parents, if you want a movie for your kids that will also teach them never to use their imagination again, rent them The Labyrinth.

Check out the trailer here and be fully prepared for the “excitement of David Bowie”

Remember Night Court? Think about the comic possibilities! A...

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:00:00 -0400

Remember Night Court? Think about the comic possibilities! A court. At night! I bet all they would do is drink Schnapp’s in the judge’s chambers and place bets on which one of the D.U.I. arrests hit the most parked cars, or play strip gin rummy at a leisurely pace with prisoners protesting loudly in the background.

Seriously though, this show was on for 8 years! A lot of critics might say the early success is based on it’s post-Cheers timeslot or Harry Anderson’s slight but formidable following culled from his SNL work, or even later, the breakout role John Larroquette came to play as the lead prosecutor. But I think we all know the real story of success here is in the sweet, sweet instrumental 80’s synth/bass theme song.

Remember Beanie Babies? Yeah, feel free to gag. Beanie Babies...

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 16:23:00 -0400

Remember Beanie Babies? Yeah, feel free to gag. Beanie Babies were meant for children but they began to fill up the cubicles of the aggressively obese the way Trolls had done years before: filling the void in their lives where children, sex and/or a social life might have been. Beanie Babies thrived on the disposable income of the eternally single who had nothing more interesting to spend it on…like good books or cocaine. That’s why you had “collectors” (more like hoarders) trampling one another to get to the limited edition releases like they were grilled cheeses at Oprah’s house, dignity and social etiquette be damned.

Remember the movie “Twins” starring Arnold...

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 19:15:36 -0400

Remember the movie “Twins” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito? Remember how they were separated at birth only to reunite years later by sheer coincidence? Remember how you were like, “no way do these two seem like twins, they’re so different!”? But then by the end, you’re like, “I could totally see how these two could be twins!”. All the while missing the obvious question of who in the world is this woman who gave birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger AND Danny Devito? And who’s the father? His sperm must look like the alien that jumped out of that guys stomach in Alien.

Yeah, Twins kind of sucked even for 6 year old me. Alien was tight though.

Remember Fruit Stripe gum? I bet you never called it Fruit...

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 10:09:00 -0400

Remember Fruit Stripe gum? I bet you never called it Fruit Stripe gum though, I bet you called it Zebra Stripe gum. Yeah, and I bet it ran out of flavor in 2 minutes too. Which just made you buy more Zebra Stripe gum, because it was so delicious. Which in turn just increased their sales, which in turn led Apple to base their entire business model off Fruit Stripe gum: take an addictive substance - gum, technology, wallpaper - and make it all shitty after a short period of time so consumers have to buy the next generation you developed at the same time as the first generation but released two years later. Don’t get me wrong, everyone likes Zebra Stripe gum, but it is the crack cocaine of gum.

Remember L.A. Gears? How wild was the Nineties? These things...

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:48:19 -0500

Remember L.A. Gears? How wild was the Nineties? These things were re-called because they contained mercury. Mercury, as in the most toxic non-radioactive chemical known to man. In shoes…for children. And they wonder why they’ve had trouble making a comeback as a brand. 3 failed attempts in the last 20 years. They even signed Luke Walton as a spokesman (though he never appeared in any advertisement material). Luke Walton as a spokesman? That’s almost as smart as putting mercury in shoes for children.

Remember Slap Bracelets? Slap Bracelets were “invented by...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 05:41:00 -0500

Remember Slap Bracelets? Slap Bracelets were “invented by Wisconsin teacher Stuart Anders and sold under the brand name ‘Slap Wrap’” (from Wikipedia). Who would ever have expected these things would be banned from schools for “improper use” (again Wikipedia, and no, i don’t do a lot of research for these)? No, who could possibly expect violence or misuse of a product whose title itself includes the word “slap”? Then again what do you expect from a product invented in Wisconsin (see also: Beer)?

Remember Teddy Ruxpin? Holy shit what a creepy mash up of evil...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:36:00 -0500

Remember Teddy Ruxpin? Holy shit what a creepy mash up of evil genius. The doll itself is not only androgynous and cuddly enough to sneak its way into any child’s toy closet but Chucky-esque enough to haunt their dreams as well. Sure it looks innocent enough here but remember these things talked…the perfect recruitment tool for communists.

Remember...

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:59:00 -0500

Remember...:

…the movie What Women Want starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt? Apparently what women want is Mel Gibson to solve all their problems. They also want to be Marisa Tomei (also in the movie) because she’s still super hot and stuff, even ten years ago. Oh yeah, and it also has this song by Christina Aguilera in it which reminded me so much of being 15 I almost regained my virginity just now…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpspGHeLOPE

Ah yes, now I remember

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:08:43 -0500

Ah yes, now I remember

Remember...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 19:00:00 -0500

…Tough Actin Tinactin? Those commercials with John Madden? What happened? Is it still out there somewhere acting tough? Is athlete’s foot even real or is it just one of those terms marketing firms decide to name in order to market towards because no one will buy spray for “itchy feet”

Remember...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:37:43 -0500

…Kristi Yamaguchi? I sure do…I hope she’s doing well and I hope she eventually lives in a retirement home with Connie Chung. Because they are both famous Asian women from the 90’s. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kristi_Yamaguchi

Remember...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:34:00 -0500

…the band Staind? Are they still alive? I would like to believe they are and that Puddle of Mudd no longer is.

Remembering…

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 18:30:00 -0500

Remembering…